Most people understand the value of planning ahead. What often stops them is not the planning itself, but knowing how to bring it up without making the conversation uncomfortable or making it sound as though they expect something to happen soon.
What pre-planning gives you
Pre-planning is not just about having a plan on paper. It can change what your family has to deal with later:
- You can arrange things at today's prices. Funeral and memorial costs can change over time. At Mornington Green, pre-planning allows you to secure your chosen memorial arrangement at the current price, rather than leaving the cost to be determined later.
- Decisions can be made before anyone is under pressure. The first few days after a death can involve a lot of decisions at a difficult time. Pre-planning moves those decisions to a calmer moment.
- Your family knows what you want. Without clear guidance, family members may have to make decisions based on what they think you would have wanted. Talking about your wishes removes some of that uncertainty.
If you're still considering what pre-planning involves, you can learn more about pre-planning your memorial.
Why the conversation keeps getting put off
People can avoid this conversation for reasons that have little to do with whether they think planning ahead is important. For example:
- Saying it out loud can feel uncomfortable
- It can be easy to assume there is plenty of time to deal with it later
- Nobody wants to be the first person in the family to bring up death
These feelings are understandable, but they can also mean an important conversation keeps getting postponed.
How to bring it up
A direct announcement such as, "we need to talk about my funeral," can make an already difficult subject feel even more uncomfortable. What tends to work better is using a natural opening instead of manufacturing one: a friend's funeral, a news story, or a conversation about an older relative can provide a natural reason to start talking.
Naming your intention plainly can also help. You could say something like:
"I'm not saying this because I expect anything to happen soon. I just don't want us guessing later, or disagreeing about it, when we never talked it through."
The conversation also does not need to happen in one sitting. The Conversation Project's approach encourages people to let the conversation unfold over time and revisit the topic as needed, rather than trying to settle every detail at once.
What to cover once you're talking
The first conversation does not need to settle everything. It can simply establish the basics:
- What you would want, in broad terms
- Where any paperwork or arrangements are kept, so nobody has to search for them later
- Who should be told and who you would like involved in the decisions
- Whether there are particular memorial or ceremony options you would want your family to consider
If you are considering a memorial that can involve more than one member of your family, you can also explore family memorial options.
A rough outline is enough to start. The details can come later.
Where a Legacy Planner fits in
Once a family has had that first conversation, the next step is usually turning "here's roughly what I'd want" into something concrete.
A Legacy Planner at Mornington Green can help you work through the details together, from the type of memorial you want to how you would like your family to be involved.
For some families, that might mean choosing a Living Legacy Tree and discussing where and how the memorial would be created.
For others, the conversation may start with practical questions about funeral costs in Australia or what they want their family to know about their plans.
The important thing is that your family knows what you want before they are the ones who have to make those decisions.
If you have already thought about what you would want but have not yet talked it through with your family, that conversation is a good place to start.
Once your wishes are clear, you can then decide what needs to be arranged and where the details should be kept.
If you've read our piece on what happens if your family doesn't follow your funeral wishes, this is the conversation that can help avoid uncertainty later.
